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I Oughta KnowI have a boyfriend, his name is Josh.
We've been going out for a month. He is 18 and I'm lucky 16. He texts me, calls me, hugs me, kisses me, cuddles with me, exchange hickeys, and talk to me. He's sweet, nice, funny, gentle, thoughtful, and loving. Josh is the kind of guy I dreamed about in elementary whenever I watched Sailor Moon. Only one problem with him. He seems to good to be true. Josh makes me comfortable before he does anything. It's love right? I enjoy being around him a lot but I'm starting to think this wonderful relationship is only based on what he hasn't done. He even looks like the type of guy that hates being in any relationship. He never got a romantic kiss, never made out, never held hands, never gave hickeys, and never went to second or third base. I gave him all that. I like to give, he seems happy when I do and is happy when I'm happy. But during the process of running the bases he was so cute. So cute and innocent like. So during the whole time we hung out at his place it was awesome. I mean people show affection with one another, right? So that's what I did, but every time we're done it ends so sudden. Like being cut off of air. It was so instant like nothing happened at all. Sure he talks about what happened between us and I feel happy knowing I made him feel good. Josh is the only boyfriend I kissed or made out with and never regretted it. I thought he was a keeper since he lasted longer then all my Ex's. I got reality slapped today. The guys I have been with usually lie and say something to get more out of me. What makes Josh different? We're going through the same cycles I've had in the past so of course I'm scared. I do my brain washing and regret chant in my mind whenever I think of him and it all works. I start turning myself into the practical person I am and think about the pros and cons. They're always even. My point is, Why don't I feel guilty after doing stuff with him? Why am I sad after his stupid joking text message? Why do I automatically hate the word love when it's used in a statement involving me and my boyfriend? Everything goes down hill after I hear that stupid word, love. The bullshit of "Love is just a strong word" has never helped -_-
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